As someone who has spent a lot of time interested in languages and how they fit together, I’ve always been naturally intrigued by the phenomenon of spoonerisms.

Spoonerisms are a simple language trick whereby the syllables of two words are reversed. It was invented, apparently accidentally,  by a reverend named Spooner who couldn’t stop himself from doing it during his sermons and speeches.

The majority of spoonerisms are funny, quirky or unusual. A handful of them are risque, inappropriate or dirty.

I’ve also stopped making a habit of voicing spoonerisms out loud. (Eventually, it might happen by itself when in normal conversation, and that’s just weird.)

But the other day, I was thinking of the phenomenon of the spoonerism again – and I wondered why it’s never applied to card decks.

Well, this is why: spoonerisms and card names don’t match up as well as you would think.

The Ten of Hearts (is the Hen of Tarts)

The ten of Hearts is a pretty good card, depending on the context. Nobody wants a hand that’s all nines or tens, but having a handful of tens (when your opponents have lower), it’s a great card to see appear in the game. But what the hell is a Hen of Tarts?

I somehow imagine a woman dressed in feathers showing up at bridge clubs carrying tarts.

The Five of Hearts (is the Hive of Farts)

Okay, then there’s the five of hearts. It’s another good card – but it’s closer to being an okay card to see than a great one. Unless the contract is in hearts (or your opponents are all out), play the five of hearts with care.

Also, don’t call out the Hive of Farts at your local bridge game.

Now, I’m very sure nobody thought about this back when the cards themselves were named, but it’s worth saying that if you mentioned this at your club game, people would be offended and it wouldn’t matter when decks were named at all.