If you’re looking for an appropriate gift for bridge players, a card deck always makes for a great gifted item.

Bridge players might also enjoy trump markers, books about bridge, a subscription to BBO Prime, or any number of items that have been embroidered, emblazoned, or etched with card suits.

But what about the card-themed gifts that could be considered completely pointless?

If you can buy it in the style of playing cards, then it’s probably for sale.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t mean anyone should be buying it.

Here are 6 of the most pointless card-themed gifts:

1: The Blank Card Deck

Okay, fine. I understand why some card players would love a blank card deck. Anyone who is an artist could appreciate their own 54 cards for them to draw from scratch, but what about everyone else?

It feels like buying someone a set of blank Scrabble tiles and saying, “Good luck, friend!”

We don’t buy blank canvases as art and tell people to paint it themselves.

Why would you start with an entirely blank card deck?

2: Playing Card Toilet Paper

Nobody says, “I love playing cards so much that I’d like to wipe with them.”

Nobody.

It’s a great Halloween gift for tricking instead of treating, It’s a great gift for no other occasion I can think of.

Can you imagine buying this when your entire bathroom is built around the theme? It’s what the Joker’s toilet would look like.

But if that’s what you’re into, go ahead and buy playing card-themed toilet paper for your entire bridge club and see if they call you next week.

3: Playing Card Toilet Seats

A replacement toilet seat is one of those things you’ll only need once every few months.

When it’s time to replace yours, why not show your love for the game of bridge?

Also, how about not buying this for anyone, ever?

Instead of saying that you have to go to the bathroom, you could say you’re going to pass a bid.

4: Playing Card Underwear

Playing card underwear can be a great gift, but it depends on the context of the purchase.

Great gift for: lovers and partners.

Bad gift for: your bridge club or your grandparents.

It could be useful for playing games of Strip Poker or Bridge where clothes represent bidding values.

5: Sharpened Playing Cards

Sharpened playing cards are available online.

Now read that sentence again.

Think about the average bridge player you know, and then imagine they’re holding sharpened playing cards in the middle of the local club. That’s not a reassuring picture.

Buy these for, well, people who know what they’re doing when it comes to knives.

6: Edible Playing Card Sets

I love chocolate art. A lot of people do.

But mass-produced chocolate decks are not art. It’s industry.

If you buy anyone an edible playing card set, they’re going to be eaten. Not practically used for a card game. (Why?Because they’ll melt for Pete’s sake.)

Then again, it’s chocolate. I’d probably buy a box of thirty.