While I don’t endorse the idea of insults flying about at the bridge table, I will readily admit that I have had the occasional laugh at many bridge-related pokes and stabs.

Disappointed bridge partners and angry opponents are known to lash out. When they lose, usually, or when the game didn’t go the way they expected.

Sometimes not at the table, but at home or in the car. It might happen before or after the game, but I have also seen bridge insults creeping through the cracks a couple of weeks after the game was played and lost.

I’ve always thought that insults should be two things: Creative and legal. As long as frustration, anger, or irritation is expressed matching those two criteria, it’s probably only a little offensive to say it.

As long as a stab, jab, poke, or insult can be both of those things, it can’t get you in (too much) trouble in a courtroom.

That’s all theoretical, of course. (Just in case, right at the beginning of this article, I’ll point out that this is also meant in jest.)

Feeling angry or frustrated about someone’s game today? Here’s a look at the worst insults (for the bridge table).

You’re as useful as the fourteenth trick.

For the record, there is no fourteenth trick. Ouch.

You’re playing bridge with a poker-sized deck.

In other words, you’re one card short of a full deck.

You’re as useful as the Joker in a game of bridge.

For the record, there is no joker in a game of bridge. Again, ouch.

You’re playing bridge like you’re at a séance instead.

Translation: Your hand (and possibly, your game) is dead.

You have the luck of a rabbit’s ear.

We know that rabbit’s feet are lucky. What about the rest of the poor animal?

You’re a real King Of Hearts.

It sounds like a compliment, but the King Of Hearts is the only royal card sporting a sword going right through his own head.

You’re so honest you’d trick your own mother.

Actually, this one might just seems too mean. Don’t say it!

You play bridge as well as William Shakespeare.

As far as research says, William Shakespeare never played a single game of bridge in his life.

You’re one bot short of a full table.

Does this one have to be explained much?

You’re playing bridge with an Uno deck.

Well, that’s pretty insulting…

What’s the most creative (or unfortunate) bridge insult that you’ve ever seen or heard? Keep it friendly in the comments!