I enjoy watching the occasional game of golf, and have loved playing several golf-themed PC games since the now-arcane days of DOS to a better animated version of Tiger Woods on Windows.Don’t get me wrong about my opinion of golf: I enjoy watching people play it, but I’m glad that I’m not one of them.

Golf as a participatory sport leaves me with more questions than answers. I love minigolf, but golf on a larger scale just leaves me feeling empty and wondering about why I’m standing in the sun when I don’t want to be. Here’s why I prefer playing bridge instead of golf.

1. Golf carts.

If you want to get from one hole to the next, players make use of the battery-powered golf cart. For most people, they’re fun, and they’re convenient. For me, they really aren’t.

Golf carts are only fun until you can say that you’ve driven one straight off a steep hill, or fallen out of one along a sharper turn than you expected. Both of those are painful, and both of those are inevitable.

Bridge doesn’t have an obligatory mode of tiny transport: sitting down and playing is enough for me, thanks.

2. Golf courses.

Golf courses serve a single purpose, but take up an awful amount of space for this singular priority.

A football field or stadium is useful for almost any type of event you could mention, but the same usefulness is not given to the average golf course. It’s there to play golf, mow, and water. That’s usually it.

We could be growing far more food in the world with less golf courses around. Bridge can be played anywhere, and there’s no need to water a bridge club’s table for it to work.

3. Weapons.

When I look at a golf club, a friendly competitive sport isn’t my first thought. I imagine the golf club as a potential weapon first – and then remember that it’s also something used for a sport.

No matter how hard I’ve tried, I can’t get the same feeling from a golf club at any number than from a card deck. It’s not a feel-good item, a golf club.

If someone approaches me with a deck of cards, I’ll expect a game of something to happen next. But if someone approaches me with a golf club, I expect a different kind of wargame to occur.

Card decks aren’t (generally) used as weapons, but golf clubs… Well, not so much.

4. Flying projectiles.

I’ve never been near a bridge club and felt just a little bit afraid that something is going to fly into my head, nose, or throat at an incredible speed. But I’ve felt the described fear many times in proximity of every golf course I’ve ever been close enough to.

Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!

Where’s it coming from? Where is it going to go?

Since golf courses rotate their players, you can never be sure from a distance how well (or how far) the next shot is going to be. The majority of people, it turns out, don’t bother to yell anything before swinging their sports-stick at the ball.

Duck, and duck every time. Avoid walking in, near, or on golf courses if you can help it. While the ball is almost comically small, it’s like a slow-traveling bullet – and yes, it’s possible for a golf ball at-speed to kill someone. If it doesn’t kill you, expect serious injury.

Bridge players don’t have the need to duck for flying projectiles, and that’s why I prefer to play it instead of golf.

What sports are you relieved that you can sit back to watch instead of playing it?