Fan fiction can be extremely unusual, and that’s why I often enjoy reading it.

There are great fan fiction tales in the world, and then there are more questionable ones. There’s a notorious one where Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are… Well, let’s just leave it at questionable, shall we?

People enjoy fan fiction because it places familiar characters into unfamiliar situations. Usually, situations that break away from the canon of the original copyrighted story – or ones that expand on it with the reader’s own imagining.

I often wonder about fictional characters and what they would think about bridge.

There are many fictional worlds where bridge isn’t necessarily mentioned, but theoretically, must exist. Other fictional stories mention bridge, but not how the characters would have played.

This leaves a lot of room to imagine for bridge players.

Can you imagine how your favourite television characters would perform if they were your real-life bridge partner? Here’s a look at the characters who might be the best (or worst) actual bridge partners.

Dr Temperance Brennan

From Bones

Dr Temperance “Bones” Brennan is a forensic anthropologist with edge. Bones is the one who gets called in when remains need to be analysed (if you’ll excuse the pun) post-mortem at a crime scene.

Brennan is hailed as one of the best in her field. Analytical thinking comes with the territory of her entire career. Her general knowledge is vast, even though her interpretations of social convention and pop culture occasionally falls short.

If you had Bones as a bridge partner, you’d always have an advantage.

You’d also know exactly who to call if there’s ever a bridge club murder mystery.

Gomez Addams

From The Addams Family

The Addams Family was first introduced as a cartoon for the New Yorker in the 1930s.

Created by Charles Addams, the Addams Family could be one of the world’s most famous macabre families. The television show began in 1964, with live-action movie adaptations in 1991 and 1993. More recently, an animated 2019 remake was also added to the list of Addams Family things.

Are you a fan?

Gomez is Morticia’s husband, and is an eccentric and suave laywer-investor combination. He enjoys crashing miniature trains, throwing knives, and casual sword-fighting.

What I didn’t expect was this: Gomez Addams was a fictional bridge player, too.

According to Season 1, Episode 9 of the 60s television show, Gomez is said to play bridge, but keeps losing to The Thing.

The Thing, of course, is the disembodied hand in the family.

Should you choose Gomez as a bridge partner?

Only if you’re okay with swords.

Hannibal Lecter

From Hannibal

Hannibal Lecter is one of the most famed fictional cannibals ever created.

Thanks to Thomas Harris, I imagine that many people must have had sleepless nights – or a lifelong fear of ordering meat dishes in restaurants again.

Lecter is known for being a calculated, dangerous genius. He’s extremely smart, but also innately arrogant – and will play any game to his own benefit (and win).

Should you consider Hannibal as your fictional bridge partner?

You’ll win the game, but he might also cook and eat the opponents. At least he’s a decent chef.

Who would make your best/worst fictional bridge partner?