On the very first board of the day(long), I was shocked by a brain spasm: “We’re totally out of toilet paper!?!” That jolted my finger out-of-whack, and so I misclicked 1♥ instead of 1♠ 🙁 ……… (Oh, who am I kidding!)

I actually studied my bid hard-and-long, pondering the risk-reward factor. My 16 HCP + pard’s 11-15 = game only, but stuff to spare.

The only feasible slam is 6♠, but only if I bid 1♠ and N has enuff to jump to 3♠ (i.e. max + a stiff ♦-(♥) + 4 good trumps)

Unlikely. Seems the safer ploy is to just (over)play 3NT “with a little help from my friends” and beat those 4-4 ♠-fit players +430-420, +460-450, or +490-480. But first, “sympathy for the Devil” compelled me to “Take it… to the LIMIT — one more time” — I SYKED ONE HEART!! All-in, Heat-check, Gonzo-bridge! Guaranteed 100% board unless ….. AAAAAACK 🙁 “I’m caught in a trap – I can’t walk out”

My brain was squirming like a toad. I “knew” from experience that no-no-notrump bid would never-ever be honored — so what would Zia do? AHA! My clever 3♣ bid = an attempt to pique North’s interest in SLAM, so that eventually, it would risk 4NT RKCB♥ over my 4♠ relay-Q-bid, so I could PASS!!

But TOOT-TOOT….. that Soul Train came and went, as North’s cruel, throbbing heart gushed out red blood 666-666 straight times, thudding that same horrible Death-blow into my brain eternally. 🙁

Oh well, all I’ve lost is my 39c ante and a few tortured minutes of total terror — I’ll just hit that “CONCEDE ALL” button and withdraw mercifully, sip some coffee and go search for toilet paper.

But I ain’t down yet, so I just hummed “Desperado” and imagined the only legitimate chance — needing ♦ hook (yes!), ♠ hook (yes!) ♠s guarded only by East (yes!), a ♥ miracle with the 9 dropping (yes!), and ♣K with East! (dammit).

But, “Play that Funky Music, white boy!”…. I earned my break when West led ♦ (unbid suit) to K-A. Like a Bat outta Hell, I floated the ♥J (a cover won’t hurt me), went to ♦J, now ♠ Q-K-A, ran ♦s, then cashed off ♣A early (the dreaded “VIENNA COUP”) so I can squeeze East from dummy late — then came the achy-breaky ♥s.

On the ♥AK tricks 10-11, East-bot CLANKED! It “remembered” my 3♣ fake, and thought I’d be keeping ♣KT, so loosed the ♠10-9!!

I was so truly EMBARRASSED to win the last 2 tricks with my ♠J-8, that I actually APOLOGIZED out loud to the robots — (in case a nosy director was gonna cancel our score again, for bad behavior).

A magnificent +1520 “Thriller” 🙂 13 trix on 2 normal hands & 28 HCP? “We are the Champions, my Friends” 🙂